So drunk, too bad you don't want this
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
