you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
