Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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