I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
