I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
All I want is dick and wine.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
