Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
