he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
