I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
sex in a hospital.. check
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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