You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
