I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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