You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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