I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
