dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
