And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
