i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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