i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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