Already got asked if we're dating
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
