Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
is that a dick in a sweater?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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