I wish I could punch you in the face.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
