I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
