Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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