Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
