operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
