Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize