Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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