the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize