I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
