Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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