THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
