are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
