He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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