So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
