I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
