It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
