That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
