I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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