I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
