I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
