he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
