my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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