i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
