Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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