consequently i now know what mace tastes like
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
