He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
