Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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