beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
