Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize