His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
