Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
