I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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