Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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