she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize