my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Randomize
