If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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