Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So much rum. So many feels.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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