I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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