They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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