I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
