Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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