So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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