Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
