I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
