The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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