somebody snuck up and got me drunk
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
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