A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
