She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize