I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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