There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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