Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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