and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize