I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
