i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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