he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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