I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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