i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
