Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
