I'm going to jail i love you
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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