I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
