is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
