When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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