i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
