we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
