I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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