Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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