I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
