actually, I'm a sock model
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
