Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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