I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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